happy tuesday. its veterans day. i was really going to go to the dmv today and get an ID. I say really because i was really motivated. not empty promise. serious.
im listening to pinback. AFK. its good.
my mom emailed me again. she emailed me in the summer. i think she's maybe losing it. which is hard to say. it feels mean to say, rather. she wrote me that she's working on a SCI-FI novel and wanted me to critique it. which is endearing and weird. and more weird. so i didn't write back. So she just wrote me again on sunday. she wanted to know how i felt about the election. so i wrote back this time. i'm not sure why . guilt i guess. i told her i was cool and that i was on hormones. then i attached an article from oprah.com about trans youth. i don't know why i did that, i guess i didn't want her to be googling "transgender" on her own and coming up with something scary. i could see her doing that. i mean, she probably already knows, but you never know.
so i guess i came out to her. so... i guess i can check that box on my list. mostly i didn't come out to her because i didn't want her to be like... trying to connect with me in any way. or trying to find me i guess. emotionally or otherwise. not, again, that i could ever see her a like a PFLAG meeting, but more in a way that she might find my youtube or like... read into it. maybe i should block my youtube, fuck. i dont think she would be able to figure out how to search for me there...but that would be pretty awful. creepy. i keep trying to find a better word than "terror" to describe how i feel about her, but that's the best one i can muster. i mean, i know its a complex feeling, i just don't really want to explore it. whoa...cheap trick's "surrender" just came on the radio. trippy. good timing.
ok, below is a pic of a shirt i made.
im listening to pinback. AFK. its good.
my mom emailed me again. she emailed me in the summer. i think she's maybe losing it. which is hard to say. it feels mean to say, rather. she wrote me that she's working on a SCI-FI novel and wanted me to critique it. which is endearing and weird. and more weird. so i didn't write back. So she just wrote me again on sunday. she wanted to know how i felt about the election. so i wrote back this time. i'm not sure why . guilt i guess. i told her i was cool and that i was on hormones. then i attached an article from oprah.com about trans youth. i don't know why i did that, i guess i didn't want her to be googling "transgender" on her own and coming up with something scary. i could see her doing that. i mean, she probably already knows, but you never know.
so i guess i came out to her. so... i guess i can check that box on my list. mostly i didn't come out to her because i didn't want her to be like... trying to connect with me in any way. or trying to find me i guess. emotionally or otherwise. not, again, that i could ever see her a like a PFLAG meeting, but more in a way that she might find my youtube or like... read into it. maybe i should block my youtube, fuck. i dont think she would be able to figure out how to search for me there...but that would be pretty awful. creepy. i keep trying to find a better word than "terror" to describe how i feel about her, but that's the best one i can muster. i mean, i know its a complex feeling, i just don't really want to explore it. whoa...cheap trick's "surrender" just came on the radio. trippy. good timing.
ok, below is a pic of a shirt i made.
